I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
