Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm at about main and main street
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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