I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
