i permit you to call me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
