It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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