and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
