Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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