I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
