i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
