I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
