He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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