Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
