the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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