Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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