I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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