I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
