Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
