A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My balls are so social today.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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