I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
