You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
