I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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