I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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