U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
