I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
