Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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