mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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