kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
