just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
