It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
