they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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