I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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