porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
