Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They are going to name an STD after you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
