On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
