you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
