So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
