I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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