Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
