she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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