i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You are a genius and a whore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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