I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
