i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
