i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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