Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
