You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
