just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
