Duck Duck Cougar?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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