Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
