my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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