Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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