wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
