the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
