lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
