Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
