all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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