i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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