Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
