I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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