So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
