you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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