hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
