So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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