kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
