I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
