Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You smell like stripper and shame
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
