I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
