Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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