All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
