Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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