I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
