sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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