don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
