I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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