Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
