they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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