sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
