Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
