why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
