She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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