At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
