I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
